The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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