Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
