I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
