Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
