when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
