Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
