how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
