none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
