Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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