For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
