I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
