How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
