Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
