I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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