I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
