when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
