I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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