dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
