They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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