Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
