Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
