forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
