anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
