I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
