did you get engaged???
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
