You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
