I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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