guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
