He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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