I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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