I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
