he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
