I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
