I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
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