After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
