I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
