So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
