his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
