The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
