Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
