how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
