This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
