We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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