Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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