im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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