He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
