Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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