my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
