If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
