its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
