i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
