Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
