ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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