i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
