Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
