There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
