How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
