Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
